Staying Creative as a New Mom

Becoming a mom is one of the greatest moments in your life, something many people strive and long desperately for. Even I had always dreamed of having children and becoming a mom. Still, alongside that sentiment, many women talk of their troubles with personal identity after having children.

Am I just a mom now? What happened to all the things I loved to do before having kids? Who am I now that I have children?

Since I had my son three months ago, I have been struggling with the same questions about my identity. The first couple months postpartum were so heavily focused on this new little life that I happily let my needs and desires fall to the side. I felt entirely fulfilled with just being in the newborn bliss bubble and focusing entirely on this new role I had taken on as a parent. I soaked up every second gladly because I knew these moments with my tiny baby would fly by so quickly.

However, around month two I started to realize that when my son was sleeping and he did not need my full attention I was slipping into what felt like madness. I felt an insane mixture of being stuck inside during the beautiful summer, bored out of my mind yet having no idea what I wanted to entertain myself with, and a weird guilt for not just enjoying the little time I had off for maternity leave.

Is this what postpartum depression feels like? Why am I so pent-up and out of control? Are these just my hormones? Am I losing it?

I confided my feelings to my husband hoping he would be able to ease the insanity a bit. It wasn’t until he asked:

“When was the last time you painted?”

I realized I hadn’t done anything for myself in a long time. Before I had even given birth, my whole self and identity were consumed with caring for my body the best I could and making this little human. Once he was born, every single day was spent learning to care for him and be a good parent. There was no time for thinking of anything else, let alone my creative endeavors.

With this new thought, I decided it was time to get out of the newborn phase and get into a new routine of nourishing my interests as well as caring for my son. I quickly realized that creating was never going to be the same as before.

I used to be able to sit down for a painting session, put on a show or podcast, and spend hours fully falling into my creative zone. I would spend an entire Saturday devoted to painting and recording the whole process. Now my schedule is dictated by my baby who needs to be fed, changed, and entertained at least every two hours (if not every hour). Where my day once consisted of long periods of time doing the same thing, now I must work in two-hour chunks of time to accomplish anything.

You may be asking: “You got pregnant and didn’t know all your free time would disappear?”

But, knowing that my schedule and time would change when I was pregnant is a different story than actually experiencing it. Of course, I knew I would have very little time to paint but I had also heard of other people with children who had followed their creative endeavors. As a new mom, I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t wait for the moment I have plenty of time to paint, I need to steal away scarce moments and use them to the fullest.

On the one hand, with less time it makes it harder to get into the creative zone and let my paintings flow easily. On the other hand, less time has forced me to focus on what I want or need from each painting before I start. Now that may seem like it is hindering my creative flow, but I actually think it has allowed me to focus on smaller sections and therefore make higher-quality artwork altogether. Where I used to spend an entire day making a painting from start to finish without much thought or planning. Now I spend days or even weeks working on the same piece. In between painting sessions, I can ponder what I might need to add or change to the painting to improve it. My focus has increased even if the time frame to zone in on my creative work has decreased.

Another problem I have noticed with painting as a new mom is the amount of paint I accidentally waste. Imagine you have laid the baby down for a nap, gotten all of your paint perfectly mixed, and just before you can bring the brush to canvas you hear crying from the nursery. After attempting to resettle the baby multiple times (because it’s never as easy as once) you return to your pallet and those perfectly mixed colors have dried up. Before you can even think of remixing the colors it’s time to feed the screaming baby again.

Sure I can add a bit of water to the paint to keep it wet but that ends up diluting the paint and only works if I can return to my pallet after settling the baby. I can spend the money on one of those fancy wet pallets but what new mom has money for that. Using less paint during my sessions has helped ease the guilt of wasting huge amounts but there are still globs of paint dried to my pallet. At some point, we must admit that crying babies will always find a way to waste your paint. A simple way to fix the issue of wasting paint when trying to settle a crying baby is by wearing the baby instead.

I don’t know about other moms but my baby will always sleep better when he’s strapped to my chest than he will on his own. In his crib, I am lucky if he gets a full thirty-minute nap, but in his carrier, he almost always gets a good two-hour nap before needing to be fed again. It’s so much easier baby-wearing while I’m cleaning around the house and now painting is that much easier too. Plus, I love being able to keep him close and my anxiety sure loves being able to keep my eyes on him (to make sure he’s still breathing). Although it’s easier mentally there is a toll on the body I hadn’t anticipated before.

Similar to the strain of being pregnant, baby-wearing is an additional 15 pounds strapped to your chest putting so much strain on your neck and back. I’ve tried three different carriers and no matter which one I use, inevitably my back ends up on fire from all the additional weight. When learning over a painting for over an hour it’s no wonder my neck gets so sore. After a few hours of painting, it is impossible to keep him strapped to me, whether he will sleep more or not. Forget about just transitioning him to the crib, once he feels me put him down those eyes are open. So although I can get so much more done while baby-wearing (I’ve actually been able to complete a painting this way), there is still a time limit to what I can do.

Yes, being a mother is by far the greatest part of my existence but I am also an individual, an artist, a creative being who must pursue her dreams. Although I love being able to spend time with my son, watch him grow and experience new things, and even just care for his every need. It took me a couple months to realize that I am also a better mom to him when I can make time for my interests too. I want him to have a successful mom who not only followed her dreams but made them a reality. Even though I knew logically that my entire life was going to change with having a baby, it’s one thing to be told something and an entirely different thing to live it.

Becoming a mother doesn’t end the life you have created for yourself, it just changes things a bit. More importantly, I’ve noticed it changes your life for the better (and not just by having an adorable human to enjoy it with). The ways my creative process has changed actually enhanced my artwork and now I have a new, more intense focus on my creativity. Speaking of the newfound difficulties I’ve had with painting is not a way for me to vent my frustrations with motherhood. Instead, it’s a way for me to explain how motherhood has changed my process of creativity for the better. I hope other new moms struggling to get back to their own interests can relate and see that any changes to their creative process are potentially even better than before.