A New Decade

So in the truest fashion of my blog I am uploading my birthday content a month after the event, which makes sense because this was a surreal and unexpected scenario to be in when turning twenty. With that in mind please bear with my scattered thoughts from a month ago, but her it is:

To anyone who didn’t know I am a 2000’s baby, which means as we all have entered a new decade of 2020, I have entered the second decade of my life. I am no longer a teenager woohoo! Or at least that is what I thought I would feel like but instead, I am feeling the weight of the world as I realize I am now no longer really considered a kid. I mean I am of course still very young and at the beginner of my journey, I realize that, but I am no longer in the excusable teenage years.

I think entering a new decade of my life has gotten me thinking about the past ten years of my life, which comes with a lot of reflection at who I was as a kid and who I am now. With that I have also been contemplating the next ten years of my life, who am I going to be in another decade?

Graduating and having a career is on my horizon and with that, I also want to create a family. Buying a house is on the horizon if my partner and I play our cards right. Financial freedom is in my future if I just keep killing it at what I am doing now and continue believing in that dream. I may be a broke college student now but if I continue creating the dreams, I always wished for I can have whatever I want in a matter of years. There’s not even a number on it I just know that if I continue creating art with the passion I have and keep writing my experiences and stories, I will become the middle-aged woman I want to be, not the middle-aged woman I fear becoming.

The woman who gave up on her dreams because they were too big or too frightening. I don’t want to become the mom who hates her life because she gave up her dreams for kids, but I also don’t want to be the mother who is so concerned with her career that the babies feel unloved. I want to set up a lifestyle where I can be making money without actively being in the office every day before I have children so that I am allowed the financial freedom to enjoy taking care of my family for a while when it does happen. Because I am so excited for those days, I am turning twenty and simply thinking of the time I get to be a mom.

That life seems so far off from the one I have now where I get anxiety at having to make dinner most nights, but I am going to therapy, I am working on myself daily to create the future I know I want to have. That is the life I want and dream for bur I know I am young; I don’t expect perfection now. I know I am too young to expect my dreams to come true but how do I continue propelling myself in that direction?

I am taking my late teens and early twenties years to learn about how to create a passive income, how to be a good parent in the future, how to be a better partner now, how to teach people things, psychology, history, English, I am even relearning math. I am learning about my country’s government, I am learning about the economy, about foreign countries economies and governments, about world history.

I am about to start my second year of college and that has got to be exciting! I survived freshman year, I did better than just survive and now I shouldn’t let myself get down because the world seems unsure while I’m in college. To be honest, my education experience has never been normal, or easy, or even typical. So why would I expect my college education to be so? Thinking about it like that makes me chuckle to myself, to think that this would be my first year of college. Ha! A pandemic, of course.

Nothing about my life has ever gone the way I expect it to, I never thought I would turn twenty during a global pandemic, and I never thought I would be living in my home town after I turned eighteen. Nothing went exactly how I would expect it to, but none the less, I graduated high school and now I am working towards a career and living with my love in our own apartment. Just because this is not the way I would have imagined my life at twenty doesn’t mean it is a negative outcome.

They say the best time to learn is when you are younger, that’s why children can learn new languages more easily than adults and why older generations seem to be stubborn. It’s hard to learn how the world works when you’ve spent your whole life not being taught. That is why I care so much about learning now! I have an infinite amount of information at my fingertips with google, and not to mention the benefits I get as a college student. Now is my time to learn. I have to take advantage of it while it’s right in front of me.

I didn’t expect this birthday to be as introspective and reflective as it was but now, I see I probably needed it. This is not the birthday I expected but life isn’t what I expected and that is okay. It’s okay to not know what the hell is going on because you just turned twenty years old and you’re signed up for five college classes during a global pandemic. I am so lucky to have made it to twenty years old, and that has got to remind me that it is all okay.

Fighting as a Woman

You know what I am learning more and more as I grow older? Women are so incredibly strong. I mean, first of all, we make humans, inside us. Second of all, we have some pretty strong emotions and that leads to strong opposition in the face of what is wrong. For the most part, women stay quiet, and we take care of things behind the scenes (or at least that is sort of how we are expected to handle life) but every once in a while, we can’t stay quiet anymore. Once we have endured so many hours or days or years or lifetimes of injustice and heartache something snaps, and we can’t hold back the emotions anymore.

So in case you have forgotten, black lives matter, this is a movement, not a moment, and here is a few women to show you why: I watched LA 92 on Netflix last night and first off, I am so disheartened to watch black men beaten by cops in the 1990s but I made myself watch. I made myself watch because I have never really heard about the Rodney King Riots and that is pathetic. I made myself watch brave black women scream at police officers and other white people because I saw the power in their eyes.

In one part of the documentary, they show a white woman at the protests in 1992 screaming in support of the cops and screaming at a black woman, instantly I could see and feel the tension. It was like watching two lionesses fighting head-on with big bearded lions watching from afar. It made me realize how strong and powerful women become in the face of need. I watched tall, beautiful, and strong black women look down on this screaming white woman and scream even louder into her face. I saw a beautiful, powerful woman just facing off in the battle of a lifetime while holding her child’s hands and placing a barrier in-between herself, her loved ones and the enemy.

While their fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons were being pulled away and beaten by police officers in 1992, these strong women stood their ground and did not leave. I was in awe because it wasn’t just black women out there screaming for justice, there were intense white m=women in that documentary as well. On both sides, you could see these “fragile” women looking more powerful than the police officers decked out in riot gear and a uniform. In the George Floyd protests, I have seen a few photos circle around the internet of a black girl probably in her early twenties walk to the front line of police brandishing a rose, the next photo shows her setting the rose on the ground in front of an officer, and the last photo is the girl being arrested. I guess I am just now realizing the strength that comes with being a woman.

I have always discredited my emotions because they felt too strong or I thought I needed to have calmer emotions for people to listen to me, but I am also realizing our emotions don’t come from us, they come from what we are experiencing. Now I don’t want to say that I saw any of this coming but when Trump was elected, I cried and kind of lost hope in our entire government system. I cried seeing the map turn red and I remember being sixteen and just knowing that when I voted in 2020 it was going to be so hard to get him out of office. Since then, I have seen countless examples of government corruption from so many different levels of government, and it has made me untrusting of the government.

For the past four years, I have dealt with becoming an adult and an array of other emotional ups and downs, so politics seemed so far out of my reach. Especially when I mostly see people just fighting each other instead of the actual problem. What’s the actual problem you may be asking yourself: Our whole system is set up to keep the poor people poor, and the rich people rich, but the messed-up part is that above the rich people are the super-rich people, and those are the people that run our government.

With this realization that my vote doesn’t really make a difference and no matter who gets elected the same agenda is still followed (to keep the poor poorer and the rich richer). I felt there was no point for me to try because no one thought similarly to me and what could a little girl like me do about such a big issue. I still feel as if my voice really won’t be heard and that I don’t have enough money, or power to make any sort of change.

Then I watched the Epstein docuseries that Netflix released and that one solidified my theory that the whole country (if not the whole world) is run by a few very rich white men who treat everyone else like piggy banks they can break open anytime they want. Donald Trump has been sued for assaulting minors’ countless times, and countless times he has threatened and paid his victims to silence their voices. He does everything he can to silence anyone who opposes him. Go look it up, it is not hard to find the cases on our government official websites. So that is why I have felt so powerless to the overwhelming control of rich white men in our country that contributing to any sort of political conversation has seemed so pointless to me.

There is so much to think about and it got me thinking that I should register to vote just in case I find a good candidate or simply to vote for someone new in office. I may not be able to solve the world’s racism, but I can at least vote right? Upon looking my name up, I realized I am registered they just have me down as an inactive voter even though all the information (like my address and number) is correct.

I researched what inactive meant and basically since I haven’t voted (this is the first year I can vote in the primary election) they consider me inactive and therefore don’t send me any voter information. That’s okay though because it just means I don’t get my mailbox filled with ballots and campaign garbage. But it did get me thinking about all the subtle ways the government ensures that people are not informed about their government so that these powerful white men can continue to make laws that benefit them, financially and security-wise. I don’t want to continue being blind to the actions of my government that could be affecting me.

This sent me into a whirlwind because why should I even vote if my only two choices are super-rich white guy number one or super-rich white guy number two? So, I started doing more research and looked up all the presidential candidates for 2020 and at first only Joe Biden showed up but then I saw a libertarian candidate named Jo Jorgenson. To my surprise, the third major candidate in the 2020 election is a woman and she has some great things to say. I know last time it was a big thing of people not wanting to vote for Hillary just because she is a woman and I agree with that sentiment but look at what Jo Jorgenson has to say.

She is speaking out against the insane government handouts to companies that don’t need it, she wants to remove barriers that prevent environmentally friendly energy sources being created, she does not have an extensive career in politics so she just may be one of the people who aren’t part of the government corruption. I am not going to tell you who to vote for but go watch her interviews listen, go look at her twitter, go check out her history. This woman is a doctor, M.D., do you know how much schooling that is? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a well-educated president, who just happens to be a woman!

With that in mind, this is my message to women today: No matter if you think your voice is too small or that your emotions don’t make sense or that you don’t believe in your strength, fight. Fight in silence because sometimes that draws more attention than the screaming. Fight with your big emotions, with tears in your eyes and rage in your heart because this is something to be upset about. Fight because you are strong, even if you feel weak, you are still here so you are stronger than you think. With all this strength, I think we just need to take this hormone filled rage and go fight injustice ladies. I mean we make up at least half of the world since we’re the bodies that make people in this world. If we all combined our lady power, we could make a serious change, especially in the insane injustices happening right now. Go research, watch documentaries, read articles (from many different news sources), and never stop fighting.

Copyright © 2020 Serra Isabella. All rights reserved.


A little disclaimer: this one is for the girls. Unless you want to hear about the women’s struggle of having to meet up with mother nature once a month stop reading here and go check out my less urm intimate writing, or go look at my pretty paintings… Anyway, you have been warned, now to the good stuff.

Alright, did I scare away the “dudes” now? Good, because this is going to be a pretty disjointed blog post so sorry in advance! I don’t know why but when I am more scatterbrained and frantic, I like to write these short and quick paragraphs but other times I can make a paragraph last like three whole pages. Anyway, if you’re interested in how I plan to channel my hormone-filled existence towards peace and tranquility keep on reading.
There are some things I just really dislike about being a woman such as: not wanting to wear shorts in 90-degree weather because I don’t like the way men stare, the expectations that we have to take care of all aspects of “the home”, and probably my biggest rival, periods.

Today I want to focus on the last one, periods. Periods suck. Irregular periods suck even more. I never know when the demons from hell are going to ruin my week with a bloody trail of pain and mood swings. I think my period ended two weeks ago and now mother nature decided to just show up UNANNOUNCED. So rude.

I feel bad for my period tracking app because she has no clue what to expect from my indecisive vagina and I’m just sitting here like: I don’t know either.
Am I the only one? Does anyone else experience completely confusing periods?
I do feel lucky in the fact that I only really cramp or feel pain on the first days of my period or when I am PMSing. Which reminds me I think the PMS might almost be worse, that’s when I feel most of the pain.

And don’t get me started on my mood swings before and during a period. I should know by now that when I start crying out of nowhere over tiny minuscule issues that it is that time of the month, but I usually just call myself a crazy girl so that’s fun…

No, I’m over this, I am so over hating everything about myself just because once or twice a month my hormones get hit upside the head and I can’t tell if I’m mad or sad or ecstatic. Why should I allow this surge of insane hormones to make me question every decision I make or have made in the past or even the mistakes I could make in the future. I don’t want to subject myself to the inconsistent and rampant emotions of mother nature anymore.

Okay I get it I’m starting to sound too poetic, it’s just a period, get over it right? Wrong. It’s not just a period, it is my organ tearing itself apart and spewing the contents out of me. It is painful. It is exhausting. Why don’t people see and understand that?

At this point I think I am just rambling; I am not sure what to say other than I feel confused.
I hate having a period, and most women I’ve talked to agree, but the irony is we all need and want our period to come because the other option is having a real-life baby. Coincidently the only time we aren’t held down by period pain and inconsolable crying we have a little tiny human being growing inside of us so that’s great (don’t get me wrong I cannot wait till the day I get to be a mother but I can’t lie that sounds rigged).

So, I guess I will make peace with the reoccurring pain driven emotion because it is not as bad as it used to be. They used to make the women climb a mountain to be away from the village during their period because it was considered dirty. Can you imagine having to climb a mountain every month as your stomach is cramping like a knife is digging inside your intestines? I bet the only good part of that whole endeavor was getting a break from the overwhelming misogamy.

So, I am supposed to be happy because I have access to period products now and eventually it will stop sometime in our fifties but then supposedly, we’ll lose our sex drive!? I just don’t understand, is this some sick joke? Either way, I don’t like it, but it does make me think of how strong women are. Once a month we deal with pain (sometimes excruciating pain) and during the constant pain, we have to tend to blood ever leaking down our thighs. On top of completely unreasonable and inconsistent emotions, periods suck but I guess that is part of mother nature.

There are beautiful rainbows but only after a thunderstorm that destroys trees with a single lightning strike, and a caterpillar becomes a butterfly only after turning to sludge inside its cocoon. I guess that is a bit of a ying and yang theory, where there must be some bad inside the good and some good inside the bad to keep everything at balance.

Well if you made it to here thank you for reading this scattered and unorganized blog post. This week I think I just need to get some crazy thoughts off my chest, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I want to apologize for being an absentee blogger for the whole beginning of this month. I am doing a little rebranding and have some really exciting things to come but until then you can buy these images at my Redbubble shop below and don’t forget to follow my other socials!