Well, it is the day after ”Blogger Day” and I wanted to post a blog about it but per my usual style, it is not posted on the day. Even though I am a heavy procrastinator and never, and I mean never, post anything on time, I still wanted to post something in honor of blogging because of how much it has changed my life.
I started inconsistently blogging in April of 2019, as a form of journaling about my feelings and in hopes of finding like-minded humans who could relate to my content. Since then I have gone through a galore of self-doubt, re-evaluating my circumstances, anxiety, bouts of depression, surges of inspiration, and bursts of productivity. Since I began blogging I have rediscovered art and painting, started going to college, decided on a career path, and burned many bridges.
When I decided to take my art and writing seriously in April of 2020, I began to notice all of the habits and negative self talk that have plagued me for as long as I can remember. Over the past months of this year I have broken down walls within myself that I didn’t even know were there, and once I broke down a few walls I saw all of the barriers that have been caging my soul, for who knows how long.
Writing about some of the things that have plagued my heart on my blog or on my social media accounts has given me some solace in knowing I am not alone. When I post my experience and feelings to the internet, I am met with other people doing the same thing! The internet is such a vast and ever-changing place that it excites me to think of what it may look like in the future.
Even with the knowledge and realization that the internet, blogging, posting my arts and passion can connect me to people from anywhere who relate to my information and may even like it, I still feel inadequate. Considering I took a long couple of years not posting really anything to any social media, I have concluded that this must be some deep understanding I have about myself that isn’t caused by the sometimes overwhelming internet.
How could it be? The joy of creating a video I am proud of and posting it to the internet where just one person says they like it, has given me more support than I can by telling myself in the mirror affirmations. How can doing something that gets my heart beating with excitement and my mind racing with inspiration be a bad thing? I love forming words and sentences together to make intriguing stories and possibilities for an audience, I love letting my mind melt away as I paint sunsets and mountain scapes, I gain so much joy from creating content I am proud of.
Although, this joy does not override my mental illness so I have started attending therapy and I am really trying to improve my life, even if some days I fall back into toxic patterns and behaviors that end up making me feel like I haven’t improved at all. Being able to look back at the videos I have created or the blogs I have written, gives me a window to my old self, which as I grow older seems to be farther and farther from who I am.
So here is to blogging day, a day I want to continue celebrating, for how much blogging has brought to my life. Creating a blog was really my escape from the boring adult world to a creative and expansive world of inspiration and art. Thank you whoever invented blogging, and thank you to everyone reading, you are the reason I continue writing and creating so that someone like you can find it and enjoy.