05 – 12 – 2020
This past week has taught me a lot through finishing my spring semester of college to unmet goals to tragic losses. In the previous weeks I have been plowing full steam ahead towards my goals but last week my body was just telling me to slow down. I thought in the two-week break from the spring to the summer semester I was going to get so much work on here done, working none stop. I still will get a lot done but I also allowed myself space to not worry when I wasn’t able to do everything that I planned done earlier than now.
When your friends and family need you, it is especially important to take time for yourself and the ones you love. I could not have been supportive to my friend or the one love if I was also fixated on completing work anytime, I had the chance alone. I would be exhausted. When I am exhausted, whether it be from physical, social or mental work, I get cranky and sometimes mean. I don’t like being mean and cranky, so I have to be careful of how I spend my energy and learn to pivot my energy to the most important task in the moment.
I didn’t fixate on all the work I was mossing out on or the time I was divvying out in support and I’m still exhausted. My significant other took off work and the both of us didn’t spend much time at home while we cared for loved ones and celebrated Mother’s Day. I like to categorize myself as an introvert so just being around people as much as I have been the last week was hard for me. This week tested me to go with the flow of the universe especially when the unexpected happens. To rest when it is necessary and to work your ass off in the times that passion fills the air inexplicably.
I used to get upset at myself or others when change would happen, or when what I had hoped would be the plan for the day doesn’t pan out. I guess I just didn’t know as a kid that change is inevitable so whenever change did occur, I did everything in my power to stop it. I have always been somewhat of a planner too, so when I expected my day to go a certain way but then circumstances made my previous plans impossible, I would panic because I didn’t know how to cope. I still panic if things don’t go along with my expectations so I can tell you it is all a learning process.
Maybe it’s that I’m in college or maybe it’s that I’m growing into adult hood far from the protection of my mother, but it is like my eyes are finally open enough to see a bigger picture. Change is constant and sad and beautiful and sometimes happy, but it is the only thing you know for sure will happen. Nothing stays the same. So instead of asking myself why is this happening? I am trying to change my perspective to one of understanding that the unexpected must and will happen no matter how much we may fight it.
I tell myself of course this happened because for some god-awful reason this is what changes us into who we will become. In order to continue surviving the winds of change I must believe that whatever is happening will make me a better version of myself in the future. I may preach what I want but I still wonder sometimes what the point of losing my thirty-nine-year-old dad at the age of sixteen was. I am not perfect; I struggle everyday with the loss of my dad and I overthink every situation to oblivion, but I do know that everything I am going through is what will eventually make me the wonderful woman I aspire to be.
So, when the universe throws me a curve ball and I have to switch up my plans (which I hate to do) I will learn to adapt. Change plans and don’t feel bad about it, forget about responsibilities to save your mental health, and stop pondering what if’s. This is where we’re at, the card we’ve been dealt, and the only way to make it better is to use what the universe has given you. Stop trying to fight to natural pattern of life and instead trust in it because I truly believe the universe gives you exactly what you need when you need it.
Copyright © 2020 Serra Isabella. All rights reserved.