4 – 30 – 2019

Supposedly 66% of Americans do not believe they have a good work life balance and frankly businesses aren’t helping, unlike France who encourages employees to disconnect digitally from work and gives 25 mandatory vacation days a year. Most working class americans are working long hours, weekends, and holidays, not too mention making minimum wage.

I’ve been a part of that statistic ever since I graduated high school, and because of labor laws protecting minors I still I had the chance to do teenager stuff even though I was working over 20 hours a week. Now as a “legal adult” I work long hours and get paid decent but I’m also too exhausted to do anything but sleep and work. Although I can take care of my basic needs, as someone who has a lot of dreams and wants to do well in life I find it hard to make time for productive activities or even fun activities. Of course work is a productive activity, I need money and everyone has to work crappy jobs before success, but as far as my dreams go I don’t want to be working at a supermarket my whole life so it can be a struggle convincing my brain that my reality now won’t be my reality forever.

As for having fun outside of work, it can be difficult because even though I have two days out of the week off, I find myself just catching up on all the tasks I got behind on while I was working. Employers are expecting almost 24/7 responses from their employees, leaving little to no time for things like family time, self care, fitness, and most importantly fun. Even at my job now, most people I work with are expecting to get called in begrudgingly on their days off. This is one of the key reasons I would like to start my own business someday, I could manage my time without having to cater to someone else’s needs. I read somewhere that modern culture has taken the role of work and put it as priority whereas in the past things like family were priority. I don’t know why that is and I’m not sure what to do about it but what I do know is I need to allow myself to make something other than work a priority sometimes.

Yes, I can blame the all work no play environment but also I have to take responsibility for the habits I’m doing, or not doing, to boost energy and fulfilment. 57% of those unsatisfied said that technology has ruined family dinner times, not only that but in my personal opinion technology is ruining Generation Z’s self esteem, motivation, and work ethic. Every single day I choose to scroll mindlessly through my phone, at the end of my night I couldn’t tell you one useful thing. I’m wasting literal hours of my day, hundreds of hours of my life on technology. A co-worker of mine and I were having a conversation the other day about her reading a book before work, she said “that’s just not something kids do anymore”. She is so right, eight year olds are getting the latest IPhone’s, babies don’t want to play with toys anymore they want our phones.

Don’t get me wrong I think technology is an awesome resource but we also have so much nonsense, mind-numbing material. Out of everything on the internet the amount of educational or resourceful information is miniscule compared to the dumb shit you see. If we took the vast database of knowledge we have on the web now and put it to education instead of prioritizing entertainment, I believe we would raise a much more intelligent generation. It’s all about balance something most don’t understand, you can most definitely watch all that netflix and youtube but is that really the only thing you can do? There are so many educational and interesting podcasts out there or even you can paint along with Bob Ross on youtube. Hey, maybe even push the bubble and read a book or take a walk or reorganize your house, there is so much to be done and frankly the balance seems to be in favor of the less productive tasks.

Copyright © 2020 Serra Isabella. All rights reserved.

4 – 21 -2019

So over the past two years I really feel like I’ve been in a slump, compared to others I’m sure I was excelling because that’s always how I’ve been. I was just so down and hard on myself but now I see how great my life is, every single day I think how grateful I am to live in this gorgeous apartment with this man I am so in love with. I haven’t ever gone hungry or cold. We’ve never missed a bill. I have an amazing life and it only makes me think how much better it’s gonna get, I’m working hard every day to make money and save for my future and now I’m applied to college and registered for classes.

It feels like life moves so fast, I remember sitting in my childhood bedroom dreaming of this exact moment in my life and sometimes I feel frozen. You know, that gut – wrenching feeling in your stomach as the world begins to spin and things don’t make sense anymore. It makes me feel like literally I can’t breath, my heart beats so hard i can feel it all through my veins. It makes me want to crawl into a ball and just disappear and when I can’t do that it makes me want to hit, punch, scream, anything to distract from this feeling. They tell me it’s called General Anxiety Disorder, mainly because it’s almost constant and flares up out of nowhere.

So I guess where this is: me preparing to learn more and more but most importantly better myself every day, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I used to be an all honors student, my lowest grade was a C and I was devastated to get it. Then I finished high school through online school, and as weird as it is I’ve been beating myself up for it for years. I just get into my head that because I didn’t do high school like “normal” people I’m somehow less qualified or intelligent, which I’ve been told by many is not true. Now I’ve been out of school for a while and I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, that’s a big part of me starting this blog. Making a commitment to myself to write something every week is going to prepare me for writing all those college essay’s in my future, plus I think it will be good for my soul and even confidence.

I’ve thought about starting a blog for some time because I’ve always loved writing, I cant tell you how many novel ideas I have flying around my head. So this is my commitment not only to write more consistently but also to improve my writing. Something I’m learning is you can’t talk about it you gotta be about it; you can sit on the couch and tell everyone what you’re going to do but until you get up and do it they won’t care. Life isn’t only our actions and decisions but also our inaction’s or what we choose not to do. Just like everybody else I have fears of being judged or misunderstood and to be honest lately I haven’t really wanted myself on the internet at all because of that. I feel like social media has really taken over society, it scares me how much people care about likes and comments and so on and so forth because it’s just not real life(not to mention it literally never disappears). I think I had to be reminded that even though the internet can do a lot of harm it can also help and be a great resource. Again it’s all in the actions we choose to make, we can be awful or we can spread love.

Overall the only way to really prepare for the future is to be the best you in this moment, for the only time you can change things is now. Think about that, the only way to help yourself in the future is to do stuff in this moment to make your life easier when hard times come. Like I can decide to eat a fruit salad rather than having the whole bag of hot fries for a snack or even do my chores sooner rather than later. It can be hard because I usually just want to do what feels good to me in the moment, like sit on my phone and watch you tube rather than to paint or read instead but in the end the latter always makes me feel better. What may feel good to me right now will make my future self feel even worse. I think that’s part of growing up, choosing what may not feel good but ultimately it will do good for you.

Copyright © 2020 Serra Isabella. All rights reserved.

The Journey Begins

Welcome! I am excited to share my story, for the past few years, no probably my whole life it seemed I was different now I’m realizing just how different we all are. Turning 18, moving out, paying bills, anxiety, depression, just growing up and realizing what the fuck is going on here on Earth. Thank you for following me as I pretend to know what I’m doing.

I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.      – unknown